I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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