You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
