there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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