I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
