I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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