i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
