Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
do nipples grow back?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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