About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
