haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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