There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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