Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
