New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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