The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
