come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
