It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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