I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
