if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
