3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
