she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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