your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
