He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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