shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
