he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Two words: blizzard sex
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
