There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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