thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
