Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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