4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
BRING THE BAGELS
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
