dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
