I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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