Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
