I molested 6 butterflies tonight
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
