Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
