this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
