So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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