your parents love me but you hate me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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