So drunk its hurt
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
