I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
