it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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