I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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