I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
