somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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