Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
