I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
