I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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