i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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