the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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