I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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