i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
