how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
COCAINE IS GR8
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
