I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
