The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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